Adolescent issues
Denise Cooper
Family Resource Centre Worker, Social Services Department, Portsmouth, England
Abstract - This article is a brief summary of the many issues covered in the two sessions that I ran at the Sarah Duffen Centre on 'Adolescent Issues' and 'Keeping Safe'.
Keywords - Down Syndrome, Adolescence
Adolescent IssuesWhat are the issues for teenagers today? There are many, those that are constantly highlighted, particularly in the media such as peer pressure, bullying, drug and alcohol abuse, eating disorders and sexuality. But for many young people the main issues are those of acceptability, self esteem and confidence, friendships, relationships and independence.
Learning about ourselves is a process that continues throughout life but seems most important during our adolescent years. This is the stage in life when we discover and explore both our biological development (puberty) and our social development (adolescence). Parents have a vital role to play in helping their child make the transition into adulthood as smooth as possible. It is a time of change and adjustment and this can cause anxiety and confusion on both sides. Over-protectiveness can lead to disempowerment of children, with decisions being made for them, less opportunity and less privacy resulting in dependency and inadequacy.
The biggest handicap for young people with learning disabilities is the attitudes and expectations of others. Many assumptions are made, e.g. that they have no interest in the opposite sex and do not experience sexual arousal, that they are unlikely to have a long term relationship or marry and, that they are unable to live independently and make informed choices.
With the emphasis now on integration into the community there is a growing awareness of the need for education in areas such as sexual awareness, independent living skills, social skills and self-esteem.
People with learning difficulties have to work hard at gaining acceptance as responsible, independent individuals. As young children integrating into mainstream schools they may be seen as `cute' and adults and other children
may want to protect and nurture them. As children grow older and head towards puberty and adolescence, they become more self-centred and intolerant, hence `peer pressure', when they need to be similar to their peers in order to be accepted. At this time, those that are different, for whatever reason, are avoided and may be teased or bullied. This can lead to feelings of rejection, inferiority and low self-esteem.Young people with learning difficulties need to be given the same opportunities and support as others. They will find their own limits whilst having the opportunity to reach their potential, rather than others deciding their limits for them.
Adolescents with learning difficulties can learn socially acceptable behaviour and how to keep themselves safe. By starting this education at home from an early age, parents will be helping to build on their child's confidence and self esteem, giving them the responsibility for and control of their bodies and feelings.
Parents can help their child to learn to make decisions by exploring various issues, looking at different solutions and their consequences. It is usually more helpful and enjoyable to look at different scenarios together and discuss the different ways the situation could be handled, e.g. "what might happen if you did that?" and "how else could you deal with that?" Explore the pros and cons of each solution that your child suggests and listen carefully to what they are saying rather than presuming you know what they mean. Give them the opportunity to express their feelings, accept and explore those feelings with them and avoid criticism. This will help your child feel valued as an individual and give them the confidence to make decisions for themselves.
Always aim to keep this `teaching' informal and enjoyable. Bombarding your child will only lead to confusion and fear, small steps to understanding will give your child time to absorb messages and time for them to think alone.
Parents do not need to be experts, it is okay to admit that you may not have the answers and to admit to feelings of confusion or embarrassment or fear around a subject. This teaches your child that you also have feelings and emotions about such sensitive issues and gives you the opportunity to explore together. There are many agencies who offer free advice and written information on a range of subjects to help parents get up to date information and facts e.g. about contraception, HIV, drugs, etc.
FriendshipsFriendships are very important during adolescence and most young people want to spend most of their time socialising with people of their own age. These friendships are very important in the process of adjustment and independence and give young people a sense of identity. However, making and sustaining friendships can be difficult and painful at times and will affect how a young person perceives and values themselves.
It is often easy for children with learning difficulties to maintain friendships when they are very young but as they grow older friends can `outgrow' them. By encouraging and supporting integration wherever possible, you would also be educating other parents and young people that `different' does not mean `incapable'.
Parents can help by encouraging their child to mix with other children. Allow them to invite friends home after school and if possible, teach them to use the telephone. Give them the opportunity to attend social and sports clubs, either to join in activities or just to be there with friends. If transportation is needed, you could take other children as well or share the journeys with other parents. Encourage them to mix with all children, with and without special needs, wherever possible.
Personal space is very important during adolescence. Your child may want to spend a great deal of time alone or with friends, away from the family. This can often feel like rejection to a parent who is used to doing a lot for and with their child, but is a normal part of the process of growing up. However, parents need to ensure that it is a need for space rather than withdrawal because of unmet emotional needs. Adolescents with learning difficulties are just as prone to depression and feelings of social isolation as other young people.
Parents can help their child explore their expectations of themselves as friends and what they want from others as friends by using a written exercise, such as the one illustrated. This is something your child can do for personal self exploration or together with a parent or friend for discussion. Similar exercises can be used to explore other relationships e.g. with the family or special boyfriends and girlfriends. This can be a less threatening way of discussing issues around sexual awareness.
Keeping safeAll children need to learn how to keep themselves safe. By learning what is `private' and what is `public' they will be able to understand the concept of socially acceptable behaviour. It is important that from an early age, children are taught about their bodies, which parts are public that others can see e.g. face, hands and which parts are private, those that we keep covered and we have control over. If a child has a particular medical condition, they may be used to frequent medical examinations or personal care from their family. They should not, however, take this for granted. Teach them that nobody can touch their private parts without their permission. Parents, doctors and nurses may touch these parts sometimes, but only for a good reason and with their consent, or their parents' consent when they are very young.
Encompassed in this are issues around nudity, menstruation and masturbation. Children need to be taught that their bedroom and the bathroom are areas where it is OK to be naked and to explore their bodies if they wish and to carry out some of the rituals of personal hygiene but that it is unacceptable in public places or around others, unless they have asked for some help with personal hygiene from a parent.
By giving permission to your child to explore their own bodies and sexuality you are helping them to become more aware of their own needs whilst learning what is socially acceptable and how to behave with other people. Your acceptance will make it easier for your child to approach you if they wish to discuss anything personal and to feel confident and in control of themselves.
Children learn at school about stranger danger. This can be reinforced at home. Role plays are a good way to get the message across. Act out scenarios of strangers approaching your child and attempting to entice them to go away with them and teach them how to respond (NO! loudly) and who they could trust to go to or tell, e.g. teacher, policeman, or to a shop assistant in a crowded shop. Teach them to back off rather than go towards a stranger, keeping out of reach.
Another method of teaching your child to keep themselves safe is to teach them the difference between good and bad touches. Use pictures to help them identify good touches such as hugs from parents, cuddling a toy or pet and bad touches such as hitting, pinching and having their bodies touched in private places that make them feel uncomfortable.
The third component in teaching a child to keep themselves safe is that of secrets. Explain to your child the difference between keeping good secrets, such as a birthday surprise and bad secrets, e.g. if someone touches them or takes them somewhere and tells them that it is a secret between them and they must not tell. This may involve threats or the notion of someone close being harmed if they tell. Teach your child that if they feel bad about anything that has been said or done to them, they must tell a parent or teacher, policeman or woman (even if it is someone they love who has made them feel bad).
A particularly difficult concept for a child to understand is that of loved ones making inappropriate sexual advances. Children with learning disabilities are particularly vulnerable as they often take people, particularly loved ones, at face value and will believe what they are told, without understanding the underlying motives. Most children would have difficulty in recognising a potentially dangerous situation, particularly when an adult puts forward a plausible excuse or reason for touching or undressing them.
Constant reinforcement will be needed to ensure that these concepts are fully or maybe even only partially understood. There are many visual aids available now, videos and colouring books that can help reinforce these messages. Role play will give the young person a chance to practise techniques and highlights issues for discussion.
Children need to learn the balance between saying "no" and saying "yes". They will need to know that there are people they can trust and be close to, otherwise they will become scared of approaching anyone and will feel uncomfortable and unsure about their own bodies.
Parents can help their children identify who they feel safe with and who they enjoy hugging or kissing, such as close family members. They can then explore other relationships with them and look at appropriate ways of greeting friends, casual acquaintances and strangers. Practise these ways of greeting people through role play.
Some children may not be able to understand all or even most of these concepts. However, I feel it is important to give them the opportunity to explore themselves, their bodies, feelings and emotions. Awareness of themselves and their relationship with others will help them to feel confident and valued and enable them to integrate into society with realistic hopes and expectations of themselves, realising their limitations and enjoying life to the full.
Useful References1. "What About Us?" Craft A. and Stewart D. 1993, The Home and School Council
2. "Shared Feelings" Maksym . 1990, Canadian Association for Community Living
3. "Sexuality and Mental Handicap" Dixon H. 1988 Learning Development Aids